For the Survivors

Pretty damn smart for such a young guy…listen to his wise words!

Broken Girl


© 2010 Matthew West, Sparrow Records

This song was shared with me by a fellow rape survivor.  Matthew West, another amazing Contemporary Christian artist, asked his fans to tell him their stories.  And boy did they.  Matthew was spending 2 months in a cabin in Tennessee writing songs for his new album and read thousands of letters of pain, redemption, strength, fear, faith and hope.  His album and book, “The Story of Your Life” came from that time he spent in the cabin, based on the real-life inspirational stories of his fans.

“Broken Girl” was born of the many, many stories he read of sexual abuse.  This song is very powerful for me.  There is a definite part of me that is still that broken 14 year old girl.  It’s getting smaller, but it’s still there.  While the song has much the same theme as MercyMe’s “You’re Beautiful” that I posted about earlier, I really like the tone of this one.  The driving drumbeat has almost a righteous anger to it.  Anger and power mixed in with God’s unconditional love.  He shares our anger.  There’s a definite strength to it which I find reassuring.  We’re fighters, survivors.  We have a right to be angry.  We have a right to be loved.

Please Don’t Tell Us to Get Over It

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Since I began this journey of writing and sharing my story, I have met many wonderful survivors online.  They are a huge support network for me and I am grateful for every one of them.  The other day, one posted that people she cared about kept telling her that she just “needed to get over it”.  Many of the other survivors spoke up and said that they, too, had received this kind of comment.

I am not sure what people are thinking when they make this kind of statement to a victim of rape and trauma.  They may truly be coming from a place of caring, and simply are expressing their desire to see you feeling better.  But more likely, it comes from a complete lack of understanding of how this event can penetrate you to the core.  It goes down deep in your soul.  It’s not a physical injury that can heal in a matter of weeks or months. More

The Australian Army Chief rocks!

I have to say, I saw this today, and this guy is awesome.  I wish we were hearing more officers like this in the US.  All I hear about the sexual assaults in our military is excuses, dismissals, and spin.  This is what we need.

In no uncertain terms, he condemns this type of behavior, tells soldiers that it is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated in the Australian Army.  He says it goes against all of their values and tells them to leave if they disagree.  He rocks!

Father’s Day Cookies

I’m making a batch of angry cookies.  They’re in the oven right now, and frankly it pisses me off.

chewy-chocolate-chip-cookies

Oh, they’re chocolatey and gooey, and I’m sure they’re delicious.  But they’re making me really mad.

They’re Father’s Day cookies, for my husband’s father.  It was Hubby’s idea.  It seemed like a nice idea at the time.  So, I began assembling the ingredients.  I took out the eggs and slammed the refrigerator.  I got down the flour and slammed the cupboard door.  The poor eggs took quite a beating and I grumbled as I carefully picked eggshells out of the dough.  I yanked open the chocolate chips and burst into tears. More

Comfort

A fellow survivor shared this verse with me.  It gave me great comfort…permission to forget the shame.

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth.

Isaiah 54:4a

You’re Beautiful

Yesterday was a particularly rough day.

I’ve been very misty-eyed this whole week dreading the upcoming Father’s Day…my first without a father.  It seems everywhere I look there are ads for “great gifts to get Dad”, which bring me to tears every time.  Then I got some very disappointing news at work and the whole building was in a foul temper.  There were tears in every corner of the school.   (Teacher tears, not students).  The day went from bad to worse.  For whatever reason, my students’ behaviors were exploding all around me (I teach low-income students with behavior disorders, not an easy task on the best of days.  This was not the best of days).  I ended the day with an altercation with an angry parent. More

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