A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Happiness, terror, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, relief, a bit of nausea…that sums up my weekend.  Coupled by quite a bit of excitement and disappointment.

photo credit: Ben Hodgson via photopin cc

photo credit: Ben Hodgson via photopin cc

No, I did not ride the newest coaster at Cedar Point (although I would really love to do that!) I got together all of my courage and I told my mother about my rape.  After 32 years.

This was not an easy conversation.  How do you bring it up? That was the knots in the stomach portion of the weekend.  Let’s just say it involved shopping and chocolate milkshakes.  It worked out, albeit very awkwardly.

Let me just say that my mom is an absolutely amazing person.  I cannot imagine what I would ever do without her.  Aside from an initial, “Why wouldn’t you have trusted us enough to tell us?” which I think was a knee-jerk reaction, she said and did everything perfectly.  I don’t think she was angry or horribly hurt.  And she was amazingly supportive.  It was a horrible conversation to have to have, but a giant weight has been lifted off of my soul.  Part of the reason I was reluctant to ever share my story was fear that my parents would find out.  That fear has been wiped away and is completely a non-issue now.

Mom agreed to go with me to Chicago for the Monument Quilt event and we started planning in earnest.  Last minute trips rarely turn out as planned.  We had a great little trip planned–taking the train (which I was excited about since I’ve never done it), going to the event, seeing Shedd’s Aquarium (Mom’s idea) and a dinner cruise to see Chicago.  The cruise would even provide gluten free and vegetarian food for our difficult-to-accommodate dietary needs!

All was right with the world.

Then hubby said, “Why don’t you check the weather?”

Tuesday and Wednesday, 80% chance of thunderstorms.

Now, a quick email to the event’s organizer assured me that there were rain plans for the quilt event and it would not be canceled.  But finances for me are extremely tight and I would be spending what, for me, is quite a bit of money for this two day trip.  After the storms we just had in Detroit, I didn’t want my trip to be rained out.

My heart sank.  We both decided it was probably best to call off our trip.  This made me very sad.  I keep seeing photos on the Quilt’s Facebook page of all the other city’s events…beautiful sunny parks, survivors hugging and crying, everything I really wanted to experience.

It’s OK, though.  I am forever grateful that I told this thing to my mom.  I think it will bring us even closer.  And we are planning now to attend the final display in Washington, D.C., which should be an unforgettable experience.  I am starting to save up my pennies now.  We’ve got two years to plan 🙂

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. joynpain2
    Aug 18, 2014 @ 16:48:03

    I am so proud of you for being able to tell your mom. It will be nice to have some extra support from her. As far as the trip goes, I think the final showing will probably be the best of all. Things happen for a reason, after all.

    Reply

    • Aimee
      Aug 18, 2014 @ 17:01:47

      That’s what my husband said, too. He said that maybe the whole reason I felt so drawn to the event was to give me the final nudge I needed to tell my mom. I tell you, I totally almost chickened out! And if it’s sunny in Chicago tomorrow, I’m going to be quite ticked off!

      Reply

  2. SheddingLightOnDarkness
    Aug 19, 2014 @ 03:55:56

    Well done you! What a brave thing to do. I am so glad your Mom was supportive. I hope this proves to be healing for you. I am sorry the trip didn’t work out 😦

    Reply

  3. BroadBlogs
    Aug 26, 2014 @ 15:28:49

    I’m so glad that you told your mom and were able to both feel the relief and gain her support. I hope that this will go a long ways toward your healing.

    Reply

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