Happy New Year!
As 2015 came to a close, many social media sites provide users “Year in Review” type documents. Facebook showed me my year in photos. It is always fun to look back at friends and family. Goodreads showed me the many books that I read in 2015. I exceeded my Reading Challenge Goal, and got to see what all of my friends have been reading. My “to read” list is getting longer by the second, I am afraid.
But then I got my WordPress Year in Review. This was very disappointing to me. Apparently, I have only written seven posts this year. I must apologize for that. There are several reasons for my lack of writing. On the negative side, my life at work has been extremely emotionally draining this year. This leaves me exhausted at the end of the day. I often am left with only the energy to curl up on the couch and play Candy Crush. On the positive side, when I do have energy I have been involved in a lot of fiction writing, which is taking my creative energy away from the blog. This is a good thing! I am trying to nurture my creative side as I get to “a certain age” and find myself thinking of what my next steps in life might be.
But there is another reason I think I have not been writing this blog as much. It is more about who I am and where my mind has been at. My church has a wonderful motto that our pastor says at the beginning of every service: “Whoever you are and wherever you are in life’s journey…you are welcome here.”
That phrase holds different meanings for me every week. As the new year begins, I am finding that I am at a particular place in this journey we are all on…the journey of healing and survival. All of us are at different places in that healing process. Some of you, and my heart goes out to you more than you can know, are at the very beginning. You may feel overwhelmed and broken. The event is very recent. Others of you are a few years in. You have found a way to manage through the treacherous landscape of PTSD and are beginning to find a new normal. For me, my journey is well-worn and well-traveled. I am at the point where healing is fairly solid and secure. My trauma lingers in the background and only flares up on occasions.
I began this blog several years ago. It was a huge step in my healing. While I had some counseling back in college that helped me identify my PTSD and begin to deal with the events of my youth, I had never connected with other survivors. My blog was the beginning of that part of my journey. I reached out to other survivors on message boards and through blogs. I found it exhilarating. I had no idea there were others out there who truly understood. This kind of took over my life for awhile. Every day I would read through posts from other survivors, and go into the chat rooms. A huge weight was lifted when I was able to share my story with people who really, really knew how I felt.
Now I am at a point in my journey where I do not need the constant connection with other survivors. I think that is why I have not written as much. It was certainly not a conscious decision that I made, rather it just occurred. My attention is turning inward, on creating a newer version of myself. I cannot thank my readers enough, because the blog has been a turning point. I am taking more risks, putting myself “out there” more than I ever have.
I cannot wait to see where this journey takes me. I hope to write even more this year. I love to hear from all of you and where you are in your journey. Please don’t give up on me…I’m still here! Leave me a note and let me know what your plans for the new year might be.
And, wherever you are in your journey, you will always be welcome here.