Nightmares

Credit: Scott Robinson

Credit: Scott Robinson

I can’t say that I ever remember having an actual nightmare about my rape. Terrible thoughts at night while in bed, definitely. Nightmares involving my rapist, certainly. But not the rape itself. For this I am extremely grateful. I know several fellow survivors for whom this is a chronic symptom. I suppose I am lucky.

This year, I even managed to escape the “first day of school” nightmares. Ask any teacher, and you will find that this is a yearly occurrence. Panicked dreams where you open the classroom to find More

Tiny Victories

***Trigger Warning for school violence and shootings***

It’s been a challenging two weeks.  I found triggers in unexpected places and I found that I had the strength to ride them out.

It started with a staff meeting at school.  If you have not been in a school in a while, we have a variety of emergency drills that never existed when I was a child.  In addition to the fire and tornado drills of my childhood, we now have lock-down drills.  These are further subdivided into “internal threat”, “external threat” and the terrifying “imminent threat”.  This is what was being discussed at the meeting.  I have participated in these drills before.  I have taken a group of children and had them hide in a closet sitting in complete silence as we pretend that there is an intruder in the building.  They never bothered me before. More

Exposure

It was a stunning day today.  Spring finally looked as if it might someday appear.  It was 54 degrees today!  54!!!!  That is a number that was unfathomable just a week ago.  The sun was shining.  The children at school were able to actually go outside for recess and run amok for a few glorious minutes.  I was able to venture into the great outdoors without gloves for the first time in months.  I had a good day at work and was ready for a nice calming evening.

I was not ready for another sneak attack of PTSD, right at the end of the work day.  More

Advice for the Loved Ones of Rape Survivors

In the wake of Sunday’s piano debacle, I did a lot of internet searching Monday about PTSD, anxiety, and panic attacks.  It took all day for me to shake the effects of the morning.  This is such a common problem, not just among rape survivors, but for people in general. More

Panic in Unexpected Places

The delightful thing about PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety disorders, and the like, is how they can sneak up on you out of the blue and without warning.  It’s very unsporting of them.  One should be given a fair shake when trying to deal with one’s demons, I believe. Today was one of those days.  We awoke to a lovely blanket of snow.  It was light and fluffy, very pretty, and deceptively slippery.  Mr. OneWoman and I sighed and said, “Ugh, not more snow!”  But we brushed off the car and headed off to church like the troopers we are.  We’re used to this winter nonsense, even though this year has been particularly wintry. More

Follow me on Twitter

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

%d bloggers like this: