Victim Blaming

I found an interesting video about how framing the way we describe an assault can actually reduce victim blaming. Very interesting…what are your thoughts?

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Whispers

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A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Happiness, terror, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, relief, a bit of nausea…that sums up my weekend.  Coupled by quite a bit of excitement and disappointment.

photo credit: Ben Hodgson via photopin cc

photo credit: Ben Hodgson via photopin cc

No, I did not ride the newest coaster at Cedar Point (although I would really love to do that!) I got together all of my courage and I told my mother about my rape.  After 32 years. More

Chicago Bound! (Probably!)

Well, Mr. OneWoman gave the financial go ahead to my Chicago trip.  Apparently there is indeed enough money in the bank to finance a short trip!  I am very excited to go see the Monument Quilt when it stops in Chicago next week.  I think it will be an extremely emotional trip, but one I need to take.

There is one very large snag in the plan. More

The Monument Quilt

Summer, as always, is rushing by and the back-to-school feeling is calling to me. I am trying hard to resist it, but it’s getting stronger! I am hoping to get in one last hurrah before the school bell rings.

The Monument Quilt

This popped up on my Facebook feed the other day, and it’s been gnawing at me. Things that gnaw at me like this usually force me into action. My brain is very annoying that way. More on this in a minute.

The Monument Quilt is a project that allows rape survivors to share their stories on quilt squares to be displayed outdoors for people to read. The quilt is touring More

The Silent Sisters

I had to share this wonderful post from “22 going on 33“. It is stated just perfectly and explains how harmful the silence is for survivors of rape, incest, abuse.

The Rape of Men

***I am placing a huge trigger warning on this one. The article I have linked to is very graphic and extremely upsetting. Please, please, be careful reading it if you are a survivor.*** More

Closets

This is just awesome in so many ways.

This video is a TED talk from Ash Beckham.  She is discussing coming out of the closet.  But she points out that we all live in closets, they are just different kinds of closets.  Anything that involves a hard conversation is a closet–telling someone you have cancer, confessing to having an affair, admitting that you are going bankrupt.

Telling someone you have been raped. More

Be Kind

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(Please forgive the short post today…I’m still pretty sick.)

If there is one thing I have learned since I started writing this blog, it is this.  Everyone has something that they are battling, we just don’t know what it is.  Think about the people you know.  How many of them are grieving the loss of a loved one?  How many have been abused?  How many have an illness that just doesn’t show itself?  How many suffer from mental illness of some kind?  How many have children who are taking the wrong path?  People hide their pain, even from those that they are closest to.

The survivors I have spoken with are all battling huge demons–PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, eating disorders, substance abuse.  Some are scared just to be in their homes.  Some are scared to leave their homes.  Some have to see their rapists every day because they are family members.

Others are like me and seem pretty together on the outside.  But the demons are still there, and they do require some fighting.

Be kind.  Always.  Excellent advice.

12 Ways to Support a Survivor of Abuse

Some great tips for how to help if a friend or loved one is a survivor. So often, we just don’t know the right things to say.

Purposefully Scarred

Tips for Being a Good Support Person (from The Healing Center, full article linked above):

1. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Try not to interrupt or overreact with your own thoughts and feelings. You may need to process your own reactions with someone to support you too. Most importantly, the survivor needs you to “be there” for her/him. Let them know that you are open to hearing anything they wish to share, and that although it’s painful and upsetting, you are willing to enter those difficult places with them and to receive their words with respect. Ask how you can be of help in the healing process and honor the answer. Acknowledge and validate the survivor’s feelings. If you have feelings of outrage, compassion, pain for their pain, do share them. There is probably nothing more comforting than a genuine human response. Just make sure your feelings don’t overwhelm theirs.

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