Seth

***Trigger Warnings: suicide, mental illness***

It has taken me awhile to write this post.  I apologize for the length. It involves a long journey into my past and it was hard to get my feelings in order.  I will have to share some more of my story with you for you to understand.

It has taken me a long time,  but I have wrestled most of my demons into a fairly peaceful place.  They are always with me, sitting off in the corner as I go about my daily business.  But we have reached a tenuous truce.  They can sit on the couch with me watching the TV, but I control the remote.  Every so often, however, they lash out unexpectedly and change the station.  We begin the battle all over again.  More

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This Valentine’s Day is for Saying Goodbye to Loved Ones

Well, it certainly hasn’t been a traditional Valentine’s Day.  We had to say goodbye to a dear family friend.  Funerals and Valentine’s Day usually don’t mix.  But our pastor reminded us that on a day of love, it is very fitting to celebrate the life of one we loved. More

Is This What Mental Health Feels Like?

Well, I have now raised the concern of not one, but two of my followers because I haven’t posted in so long 🙂  I don’t blame them…I think the last time I went a month without posting was when my dad died.

First, I love that I have readers who notice that I’m gone.  How great is that?  Second, I’m just fine. More

And so it begins…

The holiday season.

Many of you have been looking forward to the holidays.  Thoughts of turkeys roasting, pies baking, shopping madness, and time spent with family and friends have you filled with nostalgic happiness.

I normally am a big fan of the holidays.  But I’ve been dreading this particular holiday season for quite some time now.  And now here it is upon us and I’m not sure how I feel. More

Please Don’t Tell Us to Get Over It

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Since I began this journey of writing and sharing my story, I have met many wonderful survivors online.  They are a huge support network for me and I am grateful for every one of them.  The other day, one posted that people she cared about kept telling her that she just “needed to get over it”.  Many of the other survivors spoke up and said that they, too, had received this kind of comment.

I am not sure what people are thinking when they make this kind of statement to a victim of rape and trauma.  They may truly be coming from a place of caring, and simply are expressing their desire to see you feeling better.  But more likely, it comes from a complete lack of understanding of how this event can penetrate you to the core.  It goes down deep in your soul.  It’s not a physical injury that can heal in a matter of weeks or months. More

Father’s Day Cookies

I’m making a batch of angry cookies.  They’re in the oven right now, and frankly it pisses me off.

chewy-chocolate-chip-cookies

Oh, they’re chocolatey and gooey, and I’m sure they’re delicious.  But they’re making me really mad.

They’re Father’s Day cookies, for my husband’s father.  It was Hubby’s idea.  It seemed like a nice idea at the time.  So, I began assembling the ingredients.  I took out the eggs and slammed the refrigerator.  I got down the flour and slammed the cupboard door.  The poor eggs took quite a beating and I grumbled as I carefully picked eggshells out of the dough.  I yanked open the chocolate chips and burst into tears. More

You’re Beautiful

Yesterday was a particularly rough day.

I’ve been very misty-eyed this whole week dreading the upcoming Father’s Day…my first without a father.  It seems everywhere I look there are ads for “great gifts to get Dad”, which bring me to tears every time.  Then I got some very disappointing news at work and the whole building was in a foul temper.  There were tears in every corner of the school.   (Teacher tears, not students).  The day went from bad to worse.  For whatever reason, my students’ behaviors were exploding all around me (I teach low-income students with behavior disorders, not an easy task on the best of days.  This was not the best of days).  I ended the day with an altercation with an angry parent. More

Scars

I have a large scar running across my abdomen. Whenever I see it, I am reminded of the day my youngest son was born.  It reminds me of pain and fear, and of unbearable joy and love.  I almost died that day, and had three surgeries, all done through the one incision that caused that scar.  It was the scariest day of my husband’s life.  But it brought the tremendous blessing of our beautiful son.  I would not give up that scar.  More

There are no words…

My dear readers, I have been gone a very long time. I spent November happily writing away at my novel. Then December came. With the winter weather, came a long struggle for our family. My father was critically ill. All through December, I watched this strong man wither and grow weaker by the day. He fought so very hard. But sadly, he lost his battle two weeks ago.

There are no words that can express how it feels to lose a parent. There are no words to fill the empty place in my heart. More

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