Easter, Rape, and the Power of the Cross

Happy Easter everyone!  This is probably a post more appropriate to Good Friday, but I’ve been very busy, so here it is today.

Easter is the holiest day of the year for Christians.  It is a joyous day where we celebrate Christ’s resurrection and the fact that he died for our sins.  It is a day filled with hope and brimming with meaning.  I believe that the true meaning of this event is unique to each person. More

The Silent Sisters

I had to share this wonderful post from “22 going on 33“. It is stated just perfectly and explains how harmful the silence is for survivors of rape, incest, abuse.

The Healing Has Begun


© 2010 Matthew West, Sparrow Records

I’m just back from Wednesday night choir practice at the church, so I thought a song might be appropriate tonight.  You know how I love the songs!  This is another song from Matthew West, a great Contemporary Christian singer.  What I love about his songs is that even non-Christians can find meaning and comfort in them.  This one, “The Healing Has Begun,” has a very uplifting message. More

For the Survivors

Pretty damn smart for such a young guy…listen to his wise words!

Broken Girl


© 2010 Matthew West, Sparrow Records

This song was shared with me by a fellow rape survivor.  Matthew West, another amazing Contemporary Christian artist, asked his fans to tell him their stories.  And boy did they.  Matthew was spending 2 months in a cabin in Tennessee writing songs for his new album and read thousands of letters of pain, redemption, strength, fear, faith and hope.  His album and book, “The Story of Your Life” came from that time he spent in the cabin, based on the real-life inspirational stories of his fans.

“Broken Girl” was born of the many, many stories he read of sexual abuse.  This song is very powerful for me.  There is a definite part of me that is still that broken 14 year old girl.  It’s getting smaller, but it’s still there.  While the song has much the same theme as MercyMe’s “You’re Beautiful” that I posted about earlier, I really like the tone of this one.  The driving drumbeat has almost a righteous anger to it.  Anger and power mixed in with God’s unconditional love.  He shares our anger.  There’s a definite strength to it which I find reassuring.  We’re fighters, survivors.  We have a right to be angry.  We have a right to be loved.

Comfort

A fellow survivor shared this verse with me.  It gave me great comfort…permission to forget the shame.

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth.

Isaiah 54:4a

Scars

I have a large scar running across my abdomen. Whenever I see it, I am reminded of the day my youngest son was born.  It reminds me of pain and fear, and of unbearable joy and love.  I almost died that day, and had three surgeries, all done through the one incision that caused that scar.  It was the scariest day of my husband’s life.  But it brought the tremendous blessing of our beautiful son.  I would not give up that scar.  More

Shame

(Extra special trigger warnings are perhaps needed)

If there was ever any doubt in my mind that what happened to me was truly a rape, the feelings provoked in me by simply seeing this picture make any and all doubt vanish.  Shame.  This light fixture, of all things, is my biggest trigger.  This light fixture has been burned more permanently into my mind than almost any image.

It was brighter.

The flowers were etched a little differently.

In my head I carry a perfect photo of a 1970s style, simple white frosted glass light cover.  It’s edges are fluted or rippled.  It’s hard to describe.  The flowers are etched, so they appear grayish when the light shines through them.  One light bulb is burned out.  Most houses had them in all their bedrooms.  Nothing  fancy.  A quick Google image search turned up this photo.  My heart started pounding; I began sweating.  My hands are still shaking a bit.  It’s been 20 minutes.

This light represents shame to me.  More

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