Whispers

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12 Ways to Support a Survivor of Abuse

Some great tips for how to help if a friend or loved one is a survivor. So often, we just don’t know the right things to say.

Purposefully Scarred

Tips for Being a Good Support Person (from The Healing Center, full article linked above):

1. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Try not to interrupt or overreact with your own thoughts and feelings. You may need to process your own reactions with someone to support you too. Most importantly, the survivor needs you to “be there” for her/him. Let them know that you are open to hearing anything they wish to share, and that although it’s painful and upsetting, you are willing to enter those difficult places with them and to receive their words with respect. Ask how you can be of help in the healing process and honor the answer. Acknowledge and validate the survivor’s feelings. If you have feelings of outrage, compassion, pain for their pain, do share them. There is probably nothing more comforting than a genuine human response. Just make sure your feelings don’t overwhelm theirs.

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Owning Our Stories

Owning Our Story

This was a Facebook find today.  I think it’s an amazing statement.  We all have a story.  And many parts of that story are very, very bad for survivors of rape and abuse.  But it’s us.  It is part of who we are.  Too often we push that part of our story down and silence it because it is so very painful.  Bringing it forward and owning that part of ourselves takes great bravery and courage.  And with it comes power.  Power over our rapists.  Power over our past.  Power to change our futures.  There is a lot of wisdom packed into this one short sentence.

Courage

RAINN

I apologize for the lazy blogging lately, but I’ve been really sick.  I still want to share any messages of encouragement that I find.  I’ve been chatting with lots of fellow survivors lately, and I’m finding a lot of messages that show their despair and desire to just give up on fighting this fight.  This is to remind all of you that the fight is worth fighting.  Please, please don’t give up.  You’re worth too much to this world.  Listen to that little voice, even if it’s only a whisper, and try again tomorrow!

For the Survivors

Pretty damn smart for such a young guy…listen to his wise words!

You’re Beautiful

Yesterday was a particularly rough day.

I’ve been very misty-eyed this whole week dreading the upcoming Father’s Day…my first without a father.  It seems everywhere I look there are ads for “great gifts to get Dad”, which bring me to tears every time.  Then I got some very disappointing news at work and the whole building was in a foul temper.  There were tears in every corner of the school.   (Teacher tears, not students).  The day went from bad to worse.  For whatever reason, my students’ behaviors were exploding all around me (I teach low-income students with behavior disorders, not an easy task on the best of days.  This was not the best of days).  I ended the day with an altercation with an angry parent. More

Quote of the Day

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We Are Winning

A fellow survivor wrote this on a message board I follow.  It really struck me and went right to my heart.  Her words of encouragement were just what I needed to hear that day, and she graciously gave me permission to share them with you on my blog.  I hope they bring you comfort.

“This is something I wrote and wanted to share with all of you, from my heart, with love and acceptance.

If you are reading this, you are winning.

You are winning the hardest battle that you have faced, and that is to simply stay alive. You have come through a nightmare and survived. You are a warrior of strength and courage. You have a story worth telling. More

Why do you write?

(Sorry…this one’s a little long!  Bear with me please.)

I was chatting with some fellow survivors the other day and the talk turned to writing about our experiences with rape and sexual abuse. A few of us mentioned that we had blogs or had written stories.  One person asked, “Why do you write?  Does it help in your healing process?  And how exactly?”  I wasn’t sure how to answer just then, but the question has been stuck in my mind ever since.

11971016621129282895kobo_Style_pen_svg_med Why do I write about these disturbing events? More

Scars

I have a large scar running across my abdomen. Whenever I see it, I am reminded of the day my youngest son was born.  It reminds me of pain and fear, and of unbearable joy and love.  I almost died that day, and had three surgeries, all done through the one incision that caused that scar.  It was the scariest day of my husband’s life.  But it brought the tremendous blessing of our beautiful son.  I would not give up that scar.  More

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